Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

As we start 2021 I find it hard to believe that I’ve been in Kenya for two years. While I feel I’ve accomplished a lot in my time here so far, part of me wishes that I had been able to do more. While some of my dissatisfaction can be attributed to the circumstances caused by the pandemic in 2020, it mostly comes down to the fact that I have lofty goals for my ministry, which are not easy and take time to accomplish. As I’ve stated many times before, patience is definitely not one of my greatest virtues. When I step back from things, I can see that my impatience has much to do with me both wanting to be in control of things and my aversion to the slightest inconvenience in achieving what I want. However, in the midst of daily struggles, it’s hard to see with that perspective. I know that I need to trust God more. I firmly believe that He is in charge and that everything will work out for good according to His plans. However, for me, that is often times easier said than done, especially with respect to ordinary, everyday things. I often times fail to see the forest for the trees, so to speak, when I am only focused on doing and not adequately reflecting on what and why I’m doing something.

I’m not very big on New Year’s resolutions. For me, life is a continuous battle to improve and become the person that God made me to be. Rather than make resolutions, what is more beneficial to me is to continuously reflect on where I am, where I’ve been and where I want to go. As I stated, the one thing that jumps out at me, which is not new as I’ve known this for a long time, but have not been terribly successful in overcoming it, is that I get frustrated and irritated by small things. These are by no means big life changing events, but the small mundane challenges that are just a part of everyday life. These are things that each of us face every day, although we all have our own pet peeves that are unique to us.

From a big picture perspective, I have everything I want. I love my work and am doing exactly what I want to be doing and what I feel God is calling me to do at this particular point in my life. I have no health or money issues.  I love my family and friends — including my “family” and friends here in Kenya. So, what’s the problem?

My dad used to have a book, which some of you may know, called “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and It’s All Small Stuff”, which he kept on his nightstand. The book gave ideas on how to keep from letting the little things in life drive you crazy. Just the title itself is really all the wisdom you need – especially the second half – as it truly is all small stuff. If we actually believe in the beneficence of God, what worries do we really have.

The book also contains other gems like “Ask yourself this question: Will this matter a year from now?”. Usually the petty things I get aggravated about won’t matter a day from now, or many times not even an hour from now, much less a year from now. Again, really small stuff.

I could blame much of my woe on the circumstances of life here in Kenya as many of the things I complain and get aggravated about were not an issue for me before I came here. They just weren’t things I had to worry about and therefore never caused me any angst. However, this would be disingenuous. Although I didn’t have these same small things to sweat about before coming to Kenya, I was more than able to find other things at the time to complain and be irritated about. As I believe it is with all things in life, it is not the circumstance, but how we react to the circumstances that really matters. This is not meant to imply that people don’t have real problems and very difficult circumstances and even tragedies to overcome in their lives. However, as I’ve witnessed many times firsthand, especially here in Kenya, circumstances and joy are not linked. I’ve met many people in my life who seem to have everything and yet are not joyful. On the other hand, I’ve met many people who have nothing and yet are very joyful. True joy transcends circumstances – exactly what Jesus teaches in the Beatitudes in the Sermon on the Mount — “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

This past year has been stressful for everyone. The lockdowns have caused financial hardship, isolation, an inability to do many of the things we love and enjoy, suboptimal learning situations for those in school, and separation from friends and loved ones – especially on the holidays or events like funerals when want to be with those we love to mourn the loss of a loved one.

As usual, we can take comfort and find inspiration in the lives and words of the saints – people who had the same issues and everyday challenges as us, but rose above them. St. Ignatius of Loyola, went so far as to say “As far as we are concerned, we should not prefer health to sickness, riches to poverty, honor to dishonor, a long life to a short life.” In other words, true faith and trust in God allows you to live detached from your life circumstances with all its ups and downs. Easy to say, but hard to do. This reliance on God enables us to transcend our current situation. As Jesus showed us on the cross, this kind of detachment is true freedom and true happiness.

I came across this excerpt from Fulton Sheen’s Guide to Contentment, which really gets to the heart of the matter. Using St. Francis of Assisi as an example, he says the following.

“If St. Francis had been sent to a Siberian labor camp, or to a leper colony, or to a Wall Street brokerage firm, would he be any less a St. Francis? But how many mortals there are in the world who are one kind of character in need, another kind of character in plenty, who grumble amidst the uncomfortable, and who become possessed by possessions.

“St. Francis remains the same in all circumstances; the non-St. Francis types, like a chameleon, take on the color of the leaf on which they rest. Why the difference?

“Because St. Francis is more free.

“That seems at first far-fetched, but when is a man free? Negatively, he is free when he is not determined by outward circumstances, for example, when he is not in chains among prisoners, when he is not downcast with the despairing, when he is so far above environment as to be uninfluenced by it.

“He does not revolve around the world; the world revolves about him. It does not make his moods; he is free from moods. St. Paul said that he was content whether he abounded or whether he was in want.

“But whence comes this psychological independence of the external, of maintaining an even spirit in a world of constantly changing lights and shadows? It comes from dependence on God. In fact, every true Declaration of Independence is a Declaration of Dependence. . . .“

One of the wonderful things that has arisen out of the depths of the pandemic and its associated lockdowns is the wealth of Catholic ministries that have provided free online content in the form of conferences, scripture studies, virtual pilgrimages and digital retreats. One of the online Advent retreats I participated in was run by Chris Stefanick that focused on the theme of unshakeable joy. The reflections revolve around the idea of how joy doesn’t depend on a change in your circumstances, but a change in you and how different life would be if we actually lived like that was true. This is the secret to unshakeable joy. All we need to do is ask God for the grace to really believe it and to live it.

As I write this on the Feast of the Epiphany, I reflect on the familiar story of the wise men recounted in today’s Gospel. They prostrated themselves before the infant Jesus and did him homage. Then they opened their treasures and offered him their gifts. But what can I offer Jesus? It’s not like God needs anything. In fact, anything I offer Him is in reality something that He gave me as everything that we have comes from God. We only possess what we have because God gave it to us.

I’m working in Kenya as a missioner trying to do the best I can working among those who have little. God doesn’t need me to solve the world’s problems, which I obviously can’t do no matter how hard I try. But that is not what God is asking of us anyways.  What He asks is that we give ourselves to Him by loving and trusting Him. And we can only love Him by loving others. God doesn’t need our help, but He wills that we want to help and that we try to help. Through my ministry work, I hopefully make a small difference in the lives of those I encounter, but know that through my feeble efforts, God is also making a change in me.

I still struggle with the trivial issues I face in my life. That is, I still sweat the small stuff. As I offer myself to Jesus on this Feast of the Epiphany, I offer all of myself to Him – including my inability to stop sweating the small stuff. It is part of who I am. It’s not perfect, but it’s me. That’s all I got. But I proceed forward knowing that my ultimate joy rests in Jesus. I ask God for the grace to truly believe this and to live like I truly believe it.

Mungu ni mwema. God is good.